QI | How Do You Keep Tube Creeps Away?

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This clip is from QI XL Series P, Episode 5, 'Public \u0026 Private' with Sandi Toksvig, Alan Davies, Bridget Christie, Victoria Coren Mitchell and Phill Jupitus.

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  • Did you know Victoria is very smart? Don't worry, she'll let you know all about it.

    DJ_CodNubDJ_CodNub7 dagar sedan
  • Just always carry a Jo Brand in your pocket

    DJ_CodNubDJ_CodNub7 dagar sedan
  • He really was asking for it, look at what he was wearing.

    JesseJesse8 dagar sedan
  • Isn’t that what hatpins are for?

    M CDM CD8 dagar sedan
  • Man, can't wait to see Alan on Taskmaster.

    Kaleb JacobsenKaleb Jacobsen18 dagar sedan
    • he’ll either miraculously win or get disqualified every episode. or both

      MyrinMyrin12 dagar sedan
  • frantically scratching yourself also does wonders.

    corbeaucorbeau22 dagar sedan
  • cough, fart, or sneeze ;) Burping tends to work too.

    corbeaucorbeau22 dagar sedan
  • These days you could just start coughing to keep people away.

    Trey JetsonTrey Jetson24 dagar sedan
  • Pepper spray and a swift kick to the nuts.

    thegriffin88thegriffin8825 dagar sedan
  • I could well imagine leaning against the puffing-person.

    Justin CronkrightJustin Cronkright28 dagar sedan
  • To break the ice with that 'Lordy Lord or Whatever', I'd probably have said 'by gosh man, you must truly be ill or at least insane as that is a rectal thermometre. If you are genuinely having difficulties, then as a homosexual I would be happy to assist you in working through that region with you. Particularly if you did believe that it might help in any manner with your current predicaments'.

    Justin CronkrightJustin Cronkright28 dagar sedan
  • Nowadays we just start a pandemic,

    Sophie FrancisSophie Francis28 dagar sedan
  • If anyone wonders why they have Phil Jupitus on QI so often, show them this clip. "And now the Danish woman will pop the balloons."

    Gif GoldblumGif GoldblumMånad sedan
  • Or you could buy a car and be in your own seat and not waste your time thinking of stupid shit like this.

    Doug ShawDoug ShawMånad sedan
  • My face does the trick.

    roger silcoxroger silcoxMånad sedan
  • Remember when Alan Davies attacked a homeless man, biting his ear, but somehow didn't go to prison like normal people would? Just remembered.

    Doug SteelDoug SteelMånad sedan
  • The person who designed that vest has clearly never traveled on a tube at peek times. Even spike wouldn't stop the crush of people.

    Daniel BeaneyDaniel BeaneyMånad sedan
  • The spikes are too close together to burst the balloons. It's like the "bed of nails" in reverse. If you look when someone lays on a bed of nails, there's lots of nails, so the nails actually support the person's weight. (Think of a concert when someone from the band goes crowd surfing)

    Ashley P.Ashley P.Månad sedan
  • A better form of social distancing than the 2 metre rule?! And possibly more fun. Actually hadn’t seen this bit before- result!

    Sarah JonesSarah JonesMånad sedan
  • Next on QI "Balloons are more likely to pop when under inflated or over inflated?" Alan: "I feel like this is a trap."

    Moderately AmusedModerately AmusedMånad sedan
  • I love Sandi and her proportionally correct scissors ❤️

    Juan BarbaJuan BarbaMånad sedan
  • Totally misread that as how do you keep youtube creeps away lol

    elarion23elarion23Månad sedan
  • "He's asking for it!" shouts Sandi, as Phil drives into Alan from the rear.

    Stuart RobertsonStuart RobertsonMånad sedan
  • These days I just pretend to cough.

    Shakes FirstShakes FirstMånad sedan
  • I think a bloke wearing 'swim briefs' (swimming trunks) would generally keep the seat next to him empty. Trouble is, if it didn't work, you'd get someone whom you wouldn't want to sit beside. Actually, I prefer my method - go by car.

    pmailkeeypmailkeeyMånad sedan
  • "Nobody's afraid of balloons are they?" No Sandi, but the sound of them popping creeps me out in real life. So thank god for television.

    Safebox GamingSafebox GamingMånad sedan
  • Tbh getting my private space in public transport is the only reason I wear my hair long. Whenever I get on public transport I put my hair in a ponytail and swing it around. People automatically give me space haha

    Alex RousseauAlex RousseauMånad sedan
  • I once collected hundreds of balloons at the end of a corporate event in NYC,I worked. Hundreds . I’m 6’3”and all you could see where my feet. They where for my girlfriend as a surprise. I took the subway up town. Nobody bothered me. Getting in and out of the car was tricky, but most of the balloons made it.

    Pocketfarmer1Pocketfarmer1Månad sedan
  • It's the folk on the buses you have to be wary of.

    London Beer GardensLondon Beer GardensMånad sedan
  • so basically the spike vests work perfectly, but in order to defeat your enemy you have to become your enemy

    FA RieszFA RieszMånad sedan
  • Pity the only thing that works is lying on seats and being (or maybe pretending, most people do actually seem to be) asleep. Usually blue collar workers and a few other questionable sorts. otherwise if there is a spare seat, people in Australia will sit in it because a lot of people think it is an entitlement.

    Matthew Landrigan-ReidMatthew Landrigan-ReidMånad sedan
  • Just cough your guts out ... should work a treat these days !

    Wayne PantryWayne PantryMånad sedan
  • Had to happen. QI has become a contact sport.

    Paul WallisPaul WallisMånad sedan
  • A trick that squaddies used to pull was to spread out a newspaper untidily on the floor of their railway compartment, empty a can of Heinz vegetable soup onto the newspaper, and then spread themselves out on the seats to sleep. Everyone assumed the soup was vomit and stayed out of the compartment. At journey's end, the paper was rolled up, soup and all, and dumped in the nearest rubbish bin.

    Anna Lieff-SaxbyAnna Lieff-SaxbyMånad sedan
  • Oooooorrrr.... You can wear a burqa..

  • *Never* expected to see Sandi scissoring Alan...

    DrDespicableDrDespicableMånad sedan
  • Once again. Rule 34 is proven There truly are no exceptions

    jmalmstenjmalmstenMånad sedan
    • Nooo... don't freakin tell me they 34'd this...

      Yellow BellyYellow Belly15 dagar sedan
  • Welcome back to QI if your just joining us....

    Ray RowleyRay RowleyMånad sedan
  • So, is that why Goths dress the way they do--the spikes are to discourage people from coming to close to them? :)

    ZeHoSmusicianZeHoSmusicianMånad sedan
  • I bet an evening in a pub with those 5 would be nothing short of a fucking riot.

    Peter SchumacherPeter SchumacherMånad sedan
  • If only Americans were this playful with personal space......... ;)

    Josh DobsonJosh DobsonMånad sedan
  • I would enjoy the spikes pushing into me

    Kandi GallagherKandi GallagherMånad sedan
  • Phil and Alan inventing moshing.

    Sam CavallaroSam CavallaroMånad sedan
  • I find being fat, smelly and ugly works a treat. : )

    Gary zGary zMånad sedan
  • Australian comedian Carl Barron said the best way to stop someone sitting next to you on the train is to act really enthusiastic about it: "Excuse me, can I sit there?" "I'd LOVE you to sit there. Hurry up!"

    White_Pointer GamingWhite_Pointer GamingMånad sedan
    • Often I put my bag there and I pull it away when people pass. I also know how crappy it is to walk all the way passing all these crummy people who won't let me sit while there's plenty of room. Depends on my mood, I guess xD

      corbeaucorbeau22 dagar sedan
    • I've done 'mmmmm', like a bit moany, sort of like the sounds people make when they get a good massage. It's hard to type out, but it works well on most people xD

      corbeaucorbeau22 dagar sedan
  • This show constantly talks about science but didn’t think that balloons on a bed of nails might not pop. Not like it’s a classic experiment

    Aaron HicksAaron HicksMånad sedan
  • By "tube creeps", I thought they meant the trolls that post in the youtube comments section.

    AsterixAsterixMånad sedan
  • The first rule of public transport is :abandon the concept of personal space, particularly during rush hour. If there's room for you to sit/stand apart great, but if you don't like people standing or crowding near you on the Tube or anything other form of transport, walk.

    pistonarpistonarMånad sedan
    • @Chris D Yeah, my limited time on the London Tube did show me that even when packed in, most people still tried to give each other as much space as they could, even if that just meant not leaning against them. The nice thing about the Tube during rush hour is there's another train coming in a minute if you want to try your luck on a less crowded car.

      pistonarpistonarMånad sedan
    • Yeah I can see this being of benefit during off-peak hours, but during rush hour as more and more people cram onto the train the people bumping into you aren't at fault, they're getting squeezed in like everyone else.

      Chris DChris DMånad sedan
  • The spikes reminded me of Anthony Perkins on SNL. One sketch was about trailers of cheapo horror movies he (supposedly) was in after _Psycho._ One trailer showed Gilda arriving home wearing a large cape. She takes it off and reveals a dress with lots of long (prop) spikes projecting from it. Perkins, her husband, says, "You've never appeared so glamorous!" and embraces her passionately. But immediately he groans with agony and horror on his face. Voiceover (Aykroyd): "She was so gorgeous you could _die!_ AND MANY _DID!_ " 🤣

    JimFC GreggJimFC GreggMånad sedan
    • I'll never forget "The Norman Bates School of Motel Management"!

      DrDespicableDrDespicableMånad sedan
  • Never before would "You may feel a little prick" be more... defined.

    Brian MBrian MMånad sedan
  • When I traveled a couple of years ago, when someone approached me asking for money, I had a planned script, and I said, in a frantic way, with a frantic look on my face, "Who sent you?! WHO SENT YOU??!! You tell Ken that I'll have his ass in prison before he can say rat droppings! You hear me? (then I looked at a spot just over their head) STAY AWAY FROM ME KEN! I KNOW YOUR TRICKS!! GOD'S WATCHING YOU, KEN!!" They usually backed away before I got through the whole script. 😂

    StrivingFor MindfulnessStrivingFor MindfulnessMånad sedan
    • Huh. The guy below you in the comments is called Ken...

      Massimo O'KissedMassimo O'KissedMånad sedan
  • G'day Everybody, Hope you all have a Wonderful Day, They are not Tiny Scissors Alan, They are Sandi Sized 😂

    shane eslickshane eslickMånad sedan
  • So, the first part of the strategy is to carry several coats made out of inflated balloons into the train with you. Then, persuade everyone near you to put on one of THOSE coats. If you are transferring, you go around and collect all of the balloon-coats that you lent to other passengers and carry them with you to your next train. It will be easy to get through the doors of the trains and lifts carrying all those balloon coats without popping them all. It is all so simple one can but wonder why it hasn't caught on.

    Topher The11thTopher The11thMånad sedan
  • QI | How Do You Keep Tube Creeps Away? 2326pm 10/5/21 i never thought i would say this: but they're kreeping...

  • Are the qi elves trying to drop a hint to us about 'Tube Creeps'?

    Chorus of OdditiesChorus of OdditiesMånad sedan
  • If you don't want to be in public... Don't. If interacting with people is that severe of a crisis, i suggest utilizing the underside of the train. Problem solved.

    shot forshotshot forshotMånad sedan
  • I like Derren Brown's way of saving a seat. Don't put your bag there or anything. When someone gets on looking for somewhere to sit.... pat the seat and smile at them! 🤣

    ThePippin89ThePippin89Månad sedan
  • I can so relate. In my commuting days I would try to look as fat as possible trying to keep people away. Being thin people love to “share” your seat.

    ktjankabarktjankabarMånad sedan
  • How can you tell the difference between an oral and a a rectal thermometer? By the taste!

    Andrew HiobAndrew HiobMånad sedan
  • Get priests to wear balloon vestments! Lololol!

    bournemouthisshitbournemouthisshitMånad sedan
  • Victoria makes the funniest joke and then just 👁👄👁 for the rest of the video

    Conor McKeownConor McKeownMånad sedan
    • @pmailkeey I'd say that you could count only connect.

      Carrot CakeCarrot CakeMånad sedan
    • @pmailkeey Really? When you put a piece of ham between two pieces of bread do you call it a ham sandwich or a bread sandwich? 😂

      bad1dobbybad1dobbyMånad sedan
    • @bad1dobby Hmmm. It'd be more akin to a bread sandwich.

      pmailkeeypmailkeeyMånad sedan
    • @pmailkeey Doesn’t have to be men. Still a sandwich if they’re women. Or pieces of bread.

      bad1dobbybad1dobbyMånad sedan
    • If she was sat in the middle seat of a row of three with a man either side of her.................. ......You'd have a Victoria sandwich. [cake joke].

      pmailkeeypmailkeeyMånad sedan
  • The difference between Sandy now and prior to becoming the presenter of Qi is massive. Before she was this hard faced, stern person and snow she laughs at the drop of a hat… wonder which one is fake? Both?

    Michael LindsayMichael LindsayMånad sedan
    • @Chorus of Oddities She was usually (but definitely not always) like that on the UK original "Whose Line Is It Anyway" (many eps available on youtube). I think that's a variety of deadpan humor.

      JimFC GreggJimFC GreggMånad sedan
    • Any clips of her being as described as personality 1? I've never seen her like that

      Chorus of OdditiesChorus of OdditiesMånad sedan
  • My repulsive body odour usually keeps most people at bay.

    The Duke of KidderminsterThe Duke of KidderminsterMånad sedan
  • "he's asking for it" is the least PC thing Sandy has ever said. Do not blame the victim. A man should be able to go outside dressed in balloons without being accosted.

    Miguel del MazoMiguel del MazoMånad sedan
    • you wouldn't happen to be joking, would you? cuz if yer serious you need to go to a sense of humor seminar, and also one on "reading the room"

      CorvusCorone68CorvusCorone68Månad sedan
  • VCM is so dreamy 😧😧😧

    ablestmageablestmageMånad sedan
  • I'm a tube creep and there's nothing that can keep me away I'm simply too powerful for meer tube travellers to deal with

    Big EmuBig EmuMånad sedan
    • Yikes...

      Yellow BellyYellow Belly15 dagar sedan
  • I read the title as how to keep SEcrone creeps away. Thought it was gonna be about online trolls

    EsquilaxEsquilaxMånad sedan
    • You called?

      M CDM CD8 dagar sedan
    • no one has figured that out yet Esq

      mister klugemister kluge19 dagar sedan
    • Didn't work for this comments section LOL

      Robert SteeleRobert Steele27 dagar sedan
    • I did the same thing. Probably because the word "you" is right above the word "tube" on the title.

      JimFC GreggJimFC GreggMånad sedan
  • This was funny. Until 2020 when people started being afraid of getting near any living being.

    Not That GuyNot That GuyMånad sedan
  • WWE has gone off the rails.

    WarrigtWarrigtMånad sedan
  • I’ve all those videos already Sandy... I need MORE! GIVE ME MORE!

    marko skubicmarko skubicMånad sedan
  • I love how Alan and Phil immediately turned into 10-year-olds when they realized Sandi wanted them to pop the balloons.

    GentlemanPenguinGentlemanPenguinMånad sedan
    • No matter how old a man gets, there is always a 10 year old boy inside.

      mauryhanmauryhan12 dagar sedan
    • The most “But teacher said I could!” moment ever.

      HatakeIenagaHatakeIenagaMånad sedan
    • I like that Bridget was excited to join in, then ended up hurting Alan.

      Calcifer BohemeCalcifer BohemeMånad sedan
    • If only Stephen were there for 2:47

      Lucca QLucca QMånad sedan
  • Many years ago, I was in the West End of London (Regent Street), and one of the big stores, for reasons that must have seemed good to them at the time, had created displays of wild fantasy armour in their windows. One particular suit was covered in seemingly razor sharp spikes about 18 inches long! I thought at the time that it would be a very good way of maintaining your "personal space" on the Tube, or in busy streets.

    Christopher DeanChristopher DeanMånad sedan
    • @T Electronix Fair point!

      Christopher DeanChristopher DeanMånad sedan
    • You'd soon find that your journey, if not also your vision, would be increasingly hampered by remains of pigeons, passers by, ruffians and newspaper.

      T ElectronixT ElectronixMånad sedan
  • By tube creeps I thought it meant people who are obsessed with cylinders, but I guess the vest would keep them away too...too many cones!

    Taege eTaege eMånad sedan
  • Nothing quite fails like partially inflated balloons.

    Red Elf Shot the FoodRed Elf Shot the FoodMånad sedan
  • This show should move to "Childrens Hours"...I used to enjoy it ...now crap in my mind. Unsubcribed as a result... Alan needs to be controlled!....

    Tony WTony WMånad sedan
  • 0:25 Victoria: "My personality does the trick!" Well, it didn't keep David Mitchell away, now did it? :P

    David ShiDavid ShiMånad sedan
    • @bad1dobby That is a perfect description of them. I should add, though, that the chapter in David's memoir where he talks about falling in love with Victoria might be the most romantic thing I've ever read.

      David ShiDavid ShiMånad sedan
    • Two human cacti in a perfect union.

      bad1dobbybad1dobbyMånad sedan
  • The new form of social distancing at its finest.

    Baxtinator 21Baxtinator 21Månad sedan
  • i do not have to use the hate stare to look crazy.

    bs jeffreybs jeffreyMånad sedan
    • @DrDespicable resting crazy eyes

      bs jeffreybs jeffreyMånad sedan
    • Resting Psychotic Face?

      DrDespicableDrDespicableMånad sedan
  • Social distancing taken to far!

    Time Travel TV NilesTime Travel TV NilesMånad sedan
  • Today I learned: that a balloon vest is more effective at keeping people away from you than spikes.

    Chris MilesChris MilesMånad sedan
    • You sure the spikes aren’t attracted to the ballon vests it seems more entertaining.

      Baxtinator 21Baxtinator 21Månad sedan
  • Billy Connolly suggested sneezing into a handkerchief whilst simultaneously breaking an egg hidden in the handkerchief. Guaranteed to create space even on the most crowded tube carriage.

    Epic fishEpic fishMånad sedan
    • No they are both still caged, you had me going their for a second! lolz

      First & LastFirst & Last19 dagar sedan
    • @We are all born mad How do you know about my mask? Did one escape??? brb gotta go check now!!!

      First & LastFirst & Last19 dagar sedan
    • Now all you need to do is cough a little behind your mask...

      We are all born madWe are all born mad20 dagar sedan
    • Or you can just break an egg on the seat

      Fuzy2KFuzy2K28 dagar sedan
    • 🥚 Yes, also make sure the egg is over a month past it's "use by" date 🥚

      First & LastFirst & Last29 dagar sedan
  • What's wrong with a black skull cap? It would only keep away anti-semites, I guess.

    Captain ChrispyCaptain ChrispyMånad sedan
  • British WWE

    Daft_BastardDaft_BastardMånad sedan
  • A coworker of mine is terribly afraid of balloons. It was a really fun suprise to discover this after we filled her entire workspace with balloons to celebrate her wedding. Needless to say she would have hated being in the audience for this episode.

    Mees LursenMees LursenMånad sedan
    • @EebstertheGreat It's the surprise. I'm not even scared of fireworks because of the visual cues. however any unexpected noise freaks me out. One time a while ago my hallway skylight fell out & smashed all over my stairs. I jumped out of my skin when that happened.

      Elaine BElaine BMånad sedan
    • @Elaine B I must ask, are balloons specifically frightening? Or do you have a similar issue with things you _know_ will produce loud noises like fireworks? Is it more the volume or the surprise?

      EebstertheGreatEebstertheGreatMånad sedan
    • Balloons per se I'm not scared of. However I'm terrified of them popping!!! It's the sound. I covered my ears as soon as I knew what was going to happen

      Elaine BElaine BMånad sedan
    • @annabelvb That sounds like the same problem. She is afraid of the fact that a balloon might pop at any second.

      Mees LursenMees LursenMånad sedan
    • @Tristan K I think it was mostly the fear that it could pop at any time. The possibility of unexpected sounds are what made her anxious.

      Mees LursenMees LursenMånad sedan
  • QI thinking "creeps" are literally everyone in a crowded room.

    CrashSableCrashSableMånad sedan
    • Just the people that want to get close to strangers, which sounds like you... you might be a tube creep and don't know it

      Yellow BellyYellow Belly15 dagar sedan
    • As an introvert I fail to see any practical distinction.

      Jacob GustafssonJacob GustafssonMånad sedan
    • Or maybe you are taking this personally. Could be that, too.

      Sherri McCormicSherri McCormicMånad sedan
  • Read the Koran.....out loud

    Laurence Winch-FurnessLaurence Winch-FurnessMånad sedan
    • Well... If you want a one-way trip to prison, that's a good idea. Doesn't matter if it's legal to put you there.

      FormedrasFormedrasMånad sedan
    • Qur'an*

      Chorus of OdditiesChorus of OdditiesMånad sedan
  • Enthusiastically ask people if they want to know about Jesus. If you get someone who actually does want to know, tell them that he was fake, “just like the moon landing.” Vast space all around you.

    Hiltonian _Hiltonian _Månad sedan
    • @cybergeek11235 Which moon?

      Lancer525Lancer525Månad sedan
    • "Psh, you actually BELIEVE in the MOON?"

      cybergeek11235cybergeek11235Månad sedan
  • secrone.info/video/hNpzecrHrpthnJY/video.html

    Ashley BellAshley BellMånad sedan
  • So basically what we've discovered from all of this is that a tiny pair of scissors is far more effective than a stupid "vest" that hopefully got someone kicked out of design school.

    Dallas LDallas LMånad sedan
    • @DrZaius3141 I mean, yes? But it would still accomplish the same task if it was dangerous- wouldn’t you stay away from someone covered in sharp spikes? Since we don’t have the brief or spec we can’t really know how good it was at following that.

      Emmet- James BlondelEmmet- James BlondelMånad sedan
    • @Emmet- James Blondel OP said the vest was "stupid". First reply was agreeing how the vest was stupid and badly designed. Your reply was agreeing with the premise that it was a stupid design and your reasoning was that it would be better at popping balloons if things were different. All I said was that the vest wasn't designed to pop balloons. So the premise of OP was faulty, the first reply was faulty as well and your input on upgrading the vest would have turned a half-decent and half-joking design into something seriously dangerous.

      DrZaius3141DrZaius3141Månad sedan
    • ​@DrZaius3141 Are you trying to tell me that laying on a bed of nails is just as comfortable as one? My point more was that had the spines been spread further apart, they would have burst the balloons more effectively, and by extension punctured skin/ made someone standing close less comfortable. Even then, you still have to get pretty close for it to possibly have an effect- say those spikes are two inches long (definitely smaller, but eh), someone could still sit next to you, and be within 4, 5 inches of you. That's only a 150-200% ratio to the length of the spike, the dress is far more effective for keeping people away because it actively spans and retracts, and is more space-efficient. Also, none of us mentioned balloons...

      Emmet- James BlondelEmmet- James BlondelMånad sedan
    • Newsflash: The vest is not designed to pop balloons but to keep people away. Now imagine if those were dangerously long and sharp spikes - kind of a hazard, isn't it? But even with those relatively dull spikes, who'd stand close to it? In other words, it's a good design, it does what it's supposed to do.

      DrZaius3141DrZaius3141Månad sedan
    • From what I can tell, it's simply because the spikes are too close together and act as a bed of nails as opposed to a single spike, meaning that you can apply quite a lot of force over a bigger area with little effect.

      Emmet- James BlondelEmmet- James BlondelMånad sedan
  • Just keep being unattractive.

    zero11010zero11010Månad sedan
  • Phil was actually quite funny in this.

    Moose and SpadeMoose and SpadeMånad sedan
  • That dress would have made some crazy money if it was released during the pandemic.

    fred smith- king of the lunaticsfred smith- king of the lunaticsMånad sedan
    • There was actually a woman last year who designed a hoop skirt with exactly that intent: www.republicworld.com/entertainment-news/whats-viral/woman-designs-social-distancing-dress-with-6-feet-radius-netizens-say-met-gala-2021.html

      Indomitable TIndomitable TMånad sedan
    • 6 foot long spikes. Not great for going through doorways, brilliant for enforcing social distancing.

      Jonathan ShawJonathan ShawMånad sedan
  • I agree with Victoria, I find my personality is a perfectly sufficient deterrent.

    Deco DollyDeco DollyMånad sedan
    • That works for ordinary people but the real freaks will choose to sit next to you. They will see you as one of them.

      the artist formally known as craig lastnamethe artist formally known as craig lastname13 dagar sedan
    • @Ange Maidment Absolutely. If you can't scare 'em away with a look, you're just not trying. 😊

      Deco DollyDeco Dolly24 dagar sedan
    • Same. Although I try to make it work without opening my mouth 🤣🤣🤣

      Ange MaidmentAnge Maidment24 dagar sedan
    • I don't know. If the creeps are sticking around and intruding long enough to find out what your personality is like, then I feel you've already badly failed your mission. Personally, just look as if you're sick. I do this when I'm walking alone at night, and there's some dubious folks heading in my direction, I just turn on the "sick walk". Hunch over, sniff and rub your face a lot, add a subtle limp in your walk and then do the odd horrible-sounding cough that sounds like you're about to be physically sick any second. No-one wants to came within a mile of you then, for fear of catching the lurgy. Once they're gone, then I just instantly correct my walk. A bit like at the end of "the Usual Suspects", you know?

      KlaxonCowKlaxonCowMånad sedan
    • Ditto. I probably should be studied by anthropology grad-students. If perpetuating the species were in _my_ lap... well, _bye_ 😁

      William BravoWilliam BravoMånad sedan
  • Thumbs up for being trapped on the tube with a lecherous balloon modeler. Too right!

    Luke SaundersLuke SaundersMånad sedan
  • Oh yes the new outro is back

    Jose Antonio Felipe SaddulJose Antonio Felipe SaddulMånad sedan
    • @Jose Antonio Felipe Saddul I’m not saying you don’t. I’m just saying that I hate it.

      James Morris-WyattJames Morris-WyattMånad sedan
    • @James Morris-Wyatt I like this one

      Jose Antonio Felipe SaddulJose Antonio Felipe SaddulMånad sedan
    • Why’s that good? I hate this one that just doesn’t end!

      James Morris-WyattJames Morris-WyattMånad sedan
  • Was this "experiment" designed by the same QI elf who did the space helmet one? Neither of them worked.

    ZunjuuZunjuuMånad sedan
  • I almost disliked, because I thought initially that this was about SEcroners.

    EnoVarmaEnoVarmaMånad sedan
  • Ok, ok.. I got the point... I'm going, I'm going.

    New MessageNew MessageMånad sedan
  • Reverse psychology; As they approach, give them your biggest psycho smile and beckon them towards you.

    ZondaFRoadsterZondaFRoadsterMånad sedan
    • @Yellow Belly A hot packet is a lot more efficient.

      Trollop 7Trollop 715 dagar sedan
    • You could just talk to yourself out loud. Most people want to avoid people who mumble to themselves, or seem to be having conversations with themselves. Works really well if you then make eye contact with someone and ask them random questions or say random shit as if they were apart of your head conversation. You could add some weird fidgety head bobs or something to really sell the look of instability

      Yellow BellyYellow Belly15 dagar sedan
    • @AllahDoesNotExist No. That'll be the hot packet.

      Trollop 7Trollop 7Månad sedan
    • Is this why I'm single?

      AllahDoesNotExistAllahDoesNotExistMånad sedan
    • @GarioTheRock Even the ones sitting on a hot packet?

      Trollop 7Trollop 7Månad sedan
  • All you need to do these days is cough.

    KENKENMånad sedan